Expectations

Have you ever felt like you're surrounded by expectations? Expectations from your parents to do well in school, expectations from your friends to always be there, to act a certain way, expectations from the people you look up to behave a certain way. I don't know about you but there are just some days when I question my actions. Am I doing it because I want to, or because I feel it's expected from me, did I offer to volunteer because it's what I wanted to do, or because I felt obligated because it's what I've been taught to do, what I know is expected from me.

In a weird way expectations can keep you in check, they set a standard, a code of conduct if you will for my actions. I know what's expected of me, and I do it, no questions asked ( well ok I do ask questions but I always end up doing it anyways so they don't really count). My one worry however is that if I do act in that manner, then it's not really me doing the work. I feel like a puppet almost. I want to know that the my actions are mine. Don't get me wrong I love the guidance and the direction I get from all the people around me, but there's a fine lead between pointing me in the right direction, and moving my feet for me.

Then there are the times that I don't do everything 100% the way they might have wanted me to and I get the whole " we expected better from you, this isn't like you, you know better" speech. That's really what gets me. I have this really weird phobia of disappointment, not just me disappointing people, but people disappointing me. I know it's bound to happen seeing as we're all human, and fallible, but the thought of disappointment will rip my heart apart every time, regardless. So I get the added bonus of not only feeling like a failure because I didn't meet the expectations someone else put in front of me, but because then I also disappointed them, and by extension myself as well.

I know I probably just sound like I'm complaining and I'm sorry about that, but I want you guys to understand something, the only expectations you have to worry about are God's, and His aren't many. He just wants you to love Him with all your heart, everything else will fall into place, He doesn't expect you to be perfect, just to try. I know everyone feels like they're trying to help, and many times they do, who am I kidding alot of the times they do, just remember that if you're going to do something, make sure your heart is in the right place,and it's what you feel God is leading you too, don't just do it because it's expected....I mean come on, what's the fun in that? ;)