Welcome to your Journey

Every living body on this Earth is on a Journey. Whether it be a journey of self discovery, a journey to heal, a journey to success, or even just the journey of life, we are all striving for something. Welcome to my Journey, the journey of seeing what God wants for me and my life, and all the wonderful blessings and lessons He allows me to experience. I hope that this will help someone out there realize that they are are their own journey as well, and that God wants to be the Guide. Who could possibly be a better guide than the Loving God who created us?


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

By Faith, NOT By Sight

As I was flipping through my channels yesterday I accidentally stumbled upon this movie Lifetime was giving called "The 19th Wife". The movie takes place in a very secluded town in Utah where a group of very orthodox Mormons live, and the story starts off with a murder in the town and the wrongful imprisonment of a wife. I personally loved the movie because at the end the heroine finds the courage to leave, and take her daughter out of that horrible environment (frankly the entire concept of polygamy made me want to throw up, I honestly can understand how you could share your husband willingly with someone else, but anyways...). As I was watching the plot unfold before me there was a repeating theme I saw emerge. Whenever something about their faith was questioned, or debated the only answer any of the members of the sect could give was that " The prophet said it's that way, and the prophet is the voice of God". Look I'm ll for the gift of prophesy, and being used by God, but this was disgusting. These people believed every word that came out of this greedy, twisted, evil man's mouth, they accepted every sentence as the truth no questions asked! All I could do was think to myself how dumb could these people be? He's human for Pete's sake, his fallibleness was encoded in his DNA. Though God can restore you and make you whole, you do not in and of yourself become perfect. These people had such complete and total faith in someone who was only interested in benefiting and glorifying himself, and the last thing that was on his mind was these people's best interests,or God's Word.

The word faith is a funny paradox. When we think of someone's faith we think of what someone believes in, a fact or idea that some one holds to be completely true, but if we look at the definition of this wonderful word we don't quite find exactly what we expect to.The word faith ( as defined by dictionary.com) is a belief that is not based on proof, in other words it's something that you believe to be true, but have no way to completely prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

These people had faith in a man, and that was their ultimate down fall. They placed their entire world in the palms of a sinner ( we're all sinners, all imperfect, and all unworthy) who really couldn't do much but make things worse. Many times we put our faith in stupid things just as these poor souls did. We become deceived by the promise of perfection, or happiness, or wealth and we turn and run to the things that will let us down time after time. There are so many important decisions in life that a person has to make, each one difficult, each one with the power to alter your life forever. My question for you is where does your faith lie? Where do you run to when you need to make an important decision, where is it that you finally place your trust? Does it lie in an imperfect human(all humans are imperfect by the way, not one of us has the right to even consider the possibility that one day we might be able to get to a level near perfection),in possessions,in your relationships, in your self? While most of those things are great to be around, or even be a part of, none of it will ever lead you in the best direction for you.None of those things loves you enough to deny everything it has to see you be happy.

God is the one thing in this universe that you can always count on. He is the one constant thing that is always there. No matter how messed up you think your life is right now, or how much chaos has infiltrated your soul, He's always there. He's always there to pick up the pieces, He's always there to put you back together, He's always there with a super cool batman ban-aid to put on all your bumps and bruises (He also has the cool neon band-aids too). The point is that HE IS UNFAILING. He's God, He is the very definition of perfection.It only makes sense that you'd put your faith in the one thing you know will never let you down...right?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Silly Humans!....Plans are for God (yes I tried to use the trix slogan)

You know when you have those days where all you want to do is stay in bed and blast your music? It's not because you're tired, or sick you just don't feel well, emotionally, spiritually,and you just want to bury yourself so deep into your sheets that when you finally emerge on the other side, you're in a completely different place, away from you're worries, anxieties, doubts,fears and pretty much anything that will drain the life energy from you. Well that was how I felt this morning. =)

I'm not gonna complain in this post, I thought I might try something new. There are so many things in life that should make us want to cry, poverty, hatred, abandonment, disease, suffering and so many of the other horrors that are out there. While I might not be too happy with the direction in which my life is heading right now, I have no reason to complain, I have a home,cloths, food, friends, family, and my books, I have so much , while others have so little that it should be a crime. Think about all the things we take for granted in our lives; paved roads, cars/transportation,clean water,air conditioning,TV,radio,internet,pets,family, friends,the opportunity to worship freely, so many blessings, yet we still find time in our lives to complain. Why is that? Why is it that we can't just be satisfied with what we have? I'm seriously asking, because I myself don't know. I have so much, yet when one thing doesn't go according to my plans, I lose it. God will only tell you No, if He has something better for you right? well then why am I so bent on wanting what I want? Why am I worrying so much?

God doesn't need my help ( that's for sure), so why do I insist on constantly pointing out what I want? He already knows what I want, but most importantly He knows what I need. While for the time being it might be hard for me to move on, and deal with the situation at hand, my wounds will soon heal, and my heart will be again, that I'm about 85% certain of.=D
My question however is not if I'll be ok, but why do I want my way? Pride, and selfishness I'm sure are reasons, but I'm trying to look at it from a broader spectrum, why do human beings insist on trying to show God how to do His work? In what point in time did some ridiculous human decide they knew more than God? Honestly, our stupidity never ceases to amaze me! ( and I say that with all the Love in the world)If you have any theories, please share, I'd love to understand your take on this matter :)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Dream of a Dreamer

Sometimes in life we have expectations, or rather hopes I should say. No matter how ridiculous it might seem to other people, you are set in your desires, your mind has been made up, and no matter how things might look like you know(hope) that everything will turn out ok in the end. Life however, being the beautiful force that it is, sometimes has plans of it's own. My question is how do you deal with the disappointment? How do you deal with the feeling you have every morning when you wake up that tells you " good job you've made the same mistake for the billionth time!" How do you find strength to stare that person, or situation in the eye every day and live through all the you're going through, how do you pretend that part of your dream hasn't come crumbling down, with you still inside? With God's help I suppose, but I know it won't be an instant thing, everyone will tell you the same thing, just take it one day at a time, it'll get better, but does it really? Or do you just simply become a better actor? Blah, I really don't like life sometimes

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Cowardly Lion

Have you ever seen the Wizard of Oz? There are five main characters, Dorthy, the Tinman, The Scarecrow, Toto, and the Cowardly Lion. Sitting in My speech class I found my self having a very strong connection with the latter of that list, as we started talking about speech topics the obvious big controversial issue came up. As we discussed them in class I was pretty good about defending my point of view in a biblical and loving way,until we got to the topic of gay marriage. Now I completely understand that is it unbiblical and it's wrong,but when asked who didn't agree with it, my hand stayed by my side and I let the opportunity to defend the Truth pass me by. When I had realized that the reason why my hand hadn't gone up was because I was scared of the reaction I would get from my classmates I started to cry. Not in front of the class of course that would have just made everything worse, but in the ladies room after class. Up to that point I was fairly confident that I had a pretty good grip on my faith,and that when called to I would be able to defend it, but I completely pulled a Peter! I don't know what I'm going to do,I feel like a failure and while I know I'm not expected to be perfect I should at least me able to do this. I'm scared. I don't know what I'll do next time I'm put in this position,I don't even think I can deal with a next time. I'm just venting rght now, I'm typing this on my itouch in the middle of my church's wenesday service (yes I should me paying attention but as you can tell from my story I can't think right today so...) I'm that out of it right now, I guess all I could ask is to be kept in your prayers, I'm pretty sure this won't be my last cowardly lion experience.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Provers 31

" She is closed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future"- Proverbs 31:25

Hello! Well it's back to school week for me, and I have to say I'm looking forward to it. The verse that I posted at the top came to me literally like a minute ago, along with the realization that even though tomorrow is the first day of a new school, there is a 95% chance I will get lost, I have to start taking AP Calc, and I'm taking on a very heavy work load this year...I'm not scared.(I'm a tad bit nervous, but it doesn't really count)I'm confident in the place God has me in right now, I'm happy. It's kind of a weird feeling for me, but I like it,I like the fact that for once I'm not freaking out over everything, or really anything.

The Proverbs 31 lady used to sincerely bug me. It was nothing personal,she just bugged me in the same way June Clever used to bug me, she was too perfect. I felt she as if she was setting an unreachable goal for the rest of woman kind, or rather setting us up to fail. It's wasn't until very recently that I realized she wasn't concerned about how her actions would affect the rest of human kind, she was concerned on whether or not her actions were pleasing towards God. That was her only goal, she was following the blue print originally designed for woman. She wasn't naturally perfect on her own, I'm sure she wasn't born in total perfection, I highly doubt she reached perfection at all in her life time, but what she did achieve was something much more worth while. She won the approval of a beautiful loving God. God didn't love her because she was perfect, neither did her children nor her husband, she was loved and admired because she was made perfect through and because of Him.

I hope this serves as a reminder that we shouldn't seek perfection, it's a
pointless pursuit, what we should seek however is the approval of our Wonderful Father. The pursuit of Perfection is something I struggle with a lot, but as I see from Mrs.P31,I've been pursuing the completely wrong thing.God doesn't need me to be perfect, in fact He KNOWS I'm not perfect, and I'll never be, but He loves me anyways. He's set rules for me, and just wants me to do my absolute best in keeping them. That's the beauty of Him, He knows our faults and weaknesses( psalm 139), yet He adores us anyways...crazy right? Don't get caught up with perfection, with being the perfect bible scholar, or with being the perfect verse reciter, or the perfect husband, or wife, because you'll never reach your goal. You'll spend the rest of your life chasing ghosts,and winding up with nothing but emptiness, and misery. Focus on the standard God has called us to, focus on making Him happy and everything else will fall into place, that's His promise, and He can't lie.
"But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you"- Matthew 6:33 <3

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The 6.5 Billion Other People on This Planet

Have you ever noticed how different you are from everyone else around you? I mean sure there are the select few that share many of your interests,or opinions, but for the most part we're all pretty different.We live in a world with 6.5 Billion other people,those people all with different personalities, characteristics, quirks and so many other little things that distinguishes all of us from each other.In a world with so much diversity, how do you live? How do you learn to get along with people, or even stand them? How do you make it all work?
I try to be as pleasant as possible, I fail miserably most time, but I should at least get some points for trying, right? Maybe not, I don't know,I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I can't continue to isolate my self from people because I don't like the way they act, because I'll just end up isolating my self from the world, I can't just pretend like everything's OK, because then I'm lying and that is definitely not OK with me,I could try confrontation, but I don't handle confrontation very well ( shocking right?) I guess I'm a little stuck right now, the only thing to do is take it one day at a time. Who knows maybe I'll learn some great big life lesson from this, maybe not, I guess that's part of the fun, not knowing where you're journey will lead you.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Starry Nights

Did you know that the night sky is beautiful? I didn't. It's a beautiful array of sparkles in darkness. The stars act as small reminders that even in scary, vast , empty, darkness there are moments of beauty and light. I know I said I wasn't going to post again for another week, but I just couldn't stay away.

I am currently spending a week with my cousins in beautiful St. Augustine, Florida. It's a beautiful place, but much of it is farm land, and highway, it's nothing like busy Miami. What I love most about coming here ( besides the family <3) is that you can actually see more than 5 stars in the night sky.

In the chaos of our lives we let so many things pass us by. We never have time to just look up at the stars. It's not that we do it on purpose,but with so many things on our plate, somethings end up just slipping through. When I left Miami last Sunday, I was a total wreck. Seriously my internal state was no where near healthy, or sane. I don't know if it was the devil attacking, or me just simply being ignorant, stubborn, and prideful, but I was losing my grip. I felt alone, betrayed, pressured, forgotten, worthless, under appreciated and so many other emotions that I felt as if I was drowning in my own thoughts. I felt my shell cracking, I felt as if at any moment I was going to be left exposed, and vulnerable, and if you're any where near as sensitive as I am, you know how much you need that shell to keep you running and functioning as normal as humanly possible. I was slacking in my alone time with God, my relationships with people were suffering, even the time I had dedicated to serving God was getting affected, and that's when I lost it. I was brought to a brink, and I fell over. I found myself in the bathroom throwing up, while a youth teaching was being given in the background. Yup, you read correctly, I relapsed, and at church of all places and at youth group no less. I had lost it...whatever it was.

Honestly, God is a Genius, His timing is seriously something to be appreciated. I had to take a summer class this year, making it impossible for me to go to my youth group's camp . It's something I look forward to every year, my time away from everything, my time to focus on nothing but God, and let Him work on me full time in super turbo mode. So you can imagine my devastation when I figured out that it just wasn't in the plans for me this year. It killed me, sitting at home watching all the videos, and photos being uploaded to facebook, knowing that my youth group was off having amazing encounters with God, making memories, growing closer to God, and in the process with each other, and I was missing it. My youth group is family for me, I've not only grown up with the kids, but the leaders also, I just couldn't wrap my mind around the reason why I was missing it; math. Now me and math have never had a very good relationship...ever, but now we were officially at war! It was even worse when everyone was back, and there were 165 constant reminders all around me of all the fun that was had with out me. It's selfish of me to feel this way, I know it is. There is a very big part of me that loves that it was such an awesome camp, that so many kids lives were touched, and that such an impact was reached, but then there's the other part that was hurt, the part that felt like there was a family reunion, and everyone but me was invited, let me just tell you it's not the best feeling.

There's a point to this huge tangent, I promise, you have to realize the stateI was in, in order to realize where my epiphany came from. I was lost in the darkness, in the fog of my every day life and routine, drowning in the black lagoon of my own thoughts and I couldn't see a single star in the night sky, not a single one.

When I got out of the car in St. Augustine, I felt a sense of relief. I don't know how to explain it perfectly, but I could just breathe better, I had no worries, no anxieties, no nothing, I was just a person who was about to spend a beautiful weekend away from everything. This week has given me a chance to reflect on everything around me, God didn't permit me to go to camp, because I wouldn't have been getting away from everything, I would have simply been surrounded by distractions, and worries, I wouldn't have had that time with Him. I also had tim to reflect on everything else I was struggling wwith without a constant distraction, but instead with a good look at the bigger picture. I gained understanding, compassion, forgiveness and so much more.He brought me to a place where in the middle of all the darkness, all the fog, all the distractions , I could see the stars, I could just sit and wonder at all the beautiful moments of joy, and light He had given me.

I know that at times we can feel as though we need to get away from everything to clear our heads, like we have to go to some remote part of the state to clear out the clutter found in our head, but that's not necessarily true. We simply need to get away from the world, not necessarily our surroundings, we can achieve the same experience in our own personal time with God, in the time where the only thing that matters is us and God, not our worries, or our fears. That's the meaning of being alone with God, that's how we fix things, we surrender and let Him lead the way. maybe you can't get away for a week, or even a weekend, but you can spare a few minutes to dedicate to the God of the universe who fashioned and formed you, and Loves you enough to let His Son die for you. Get alone with Him, clear your mind, focus on only what He has to say and nothing more, after all the only opinion that matters is His. Sit back, and look around, let Him guide you to a place where you have a perfect view of all the stars and nothing else.

" When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon, the stars, which You have ordained, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man, that You visit him?" -Psalm8:3-4

Saturday, August 7, 2010

My Brain Couldn't Take it Anymore and Threw Up...Sorry

This blog is going to be short, sweet, ans simple. It's all the things I've been carrying around in my head for about a month now and I need to let them out...enjoy.

God made you who you are for a reason. Delight yourself in who He has made you, if you a talker like me, TALK, never be ashamed of the gift God has given you. There is a difference between a " meek and humble" personality, and a " meek and humble" spirit. If you trust in the Lord and have faith and peace that He will provide for you in the future, and are humbled before Him, then you have a "meek and humble spirit", the volume of your voice, or the frequency in which you use it is of no consequence. Be careful who you trust, make sure they'll never throw the information you trusted them with back in your face. God is the only constant thing in your life, they'll be a time when you'll have to let go of things, and people, no matter how lost you know you'll be without them. Your heart is deceitful above all things, no matter who you might have feelings for, like, or even love, never forget your number 1 priority is Your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, everything else is second, People will eventually disappoint you, they'll turn out to be exactly what you didn't expect, when this happens, or people hurt you, forgive but don't forget to learn from your mistakes. Crying is good, even if the only thing that comes out is a couple tears in the confines of yourself. Stand up for what you know is right. Manners, and respect are important for EVERYONE. God loves YOU and I don't know who's reading this I really don't, but I love you even if I don't show it , you are a BLESSING to everyone around you,and God thinks you're to die for, anyone who can't see the beauty in you and all the wonderful things you have to offer should get a brain transplant. I need a break before I officially lose my mind, won't be back for a week, peace and blessings.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Roller Coaster of LIfe

Life is a constant roller coaster. There are it's ups, and it's down, and times where everything around you goes loopty loop. There are unexpected drops, sharp turns, and times that gives you butterflies. At the end though, it's all worth it. It doesn't matter that you were scared when you first got on, or that you spent half the time screaming, when it's all said and done it was literally the ride of your life, every single scream, tear, drop of sweat...it was all worth it, it was all a part of what made your life, yours.

Many times we feel as if life is so unfair, we tend to focus on the bad, on the " why me" situations, but what would happen if we didn't? Who would we become if we simply focused on the good, lived life with no regrets, and forgave those who have wronged us. That's a topic that's been a big part of my thought process lately, forgiveness. We can't enjoy the view ahead of us, if we're too busy worry about the scenery behind us. God gave us a beautiful world, filled with beautiful people. Yes, people now a days are acting very dumb, they don't always act the way they should, well actually they don't most of the times, but in their own weird way they're beautiful( at least that's how God sees them, so it's how we should see them too) . I have this theory;we are capable of loving anyone. If you think about it it's true.If we just put some time and effort into just listening to someone's story, their fears, struggles, victories, before long you'll start to truly, unconditionally love them.

I don't know what brought this on. Maybe it's the self reflection that I've undergone lately, or the need I see in people to simply be listened to and loved, but we are very powerful. We have the power to to give someone super human strength , or to tear them to shreds. Never underestimate the impact you can have in someone's life. There is great power in your words, and even greater power in your actions. Enjoy your roller coaster, and when the opportunity presents itself to help other people enjoy their own ride, take it, it'll make your ride just that much more worth it.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Submitting to Submission

So I had a very interesting afternoon yesterday, an afternoon full of confessions, catching up, lessons, family,embarrassment, and fun...a lot of fun. I stand amazed everyday on how God works. He's a God of Surprises ( always good), but surprises none the less. I don't think I'll ever get used to the way everything just seems to work out, when you let Him be in control.

Yesterday as we sat in a very beautiful kitchen talking with a very wise woman, the topic of submission came up. The funny thing is that the subject seems to be following me everywhere (I'm guessing God wants me to take a hint). The more we talked about submission, and how to accurately portray it, the more I found myself wondering what exactly my thoughts on submission were. I'd like to consider my self the closest thing to a feminist that a non- feminist can be, I take pride in my gender, and the strength we carry, but I don't delude myself into thinking we are better than men, nor do I undermine the power that a man can hold. God has chosen man to take on that "head of the household" position, we can speculate, and come up with theories as to why this is, but the bottom line is that no one knows , that's just how it is. As women we are called to submit to our fathers, and then to our husbands. We might not always like it, or think it's fair, but the rule is there none the less...and it's one of the hardest ( for me anyways) to follow.

When I hear the word submission I get a little scared. The word reminds me of someone surrendering their voice ,their freedom, it creates a picture in my head of a second class citizen who isn't respected, and who's opinion isn't valid. It terrifies me. My opinion is definitely worth something!There is nothing that I hate more than someone not viewing my opinion as valid because of my age, or gender( you'd be surprised how ignorant people can be! -_-), so when I hear the word submission I automatically go into defensive/panic mode. My thoughts turn very strong very fast.If there is one thing on this planet( take into consideration that I count God's love and mercy for us, to be in the" not on this planet" category) that I cherish most of all it's my ability to vocalize my opinions, and ideas. I have many times found myself questioning if I could give that up, even for my future husband.

However the more I listened to the women around me, the more I realized how wrong my, and many other women's opinions really were. Submission isn't simply becoming a doormat,or a slave,there's a reason why Eve was taken from Adam's side, and not his foot. Submission is a sign of respect, it is also a condition of the heart. God calls me to submit to my husband, just as I am to submit to Him. God wants me to respect my husbands decisions and choices, and with a loving heart too. I'm pretty sure God knows what He's doing, He wouldn't devalue His Precious little girls in any way shape or form, He love us way too much. So why would He command us to do something whose results would cause us to be treated as anything other than what He views us to be? He wouldn't.

Men, and Women are called to be equals ( 1 corinthians11:11-12) we just have different roles to play in the relationship, neither is better or worse than the other, both are riddled with flaws, but are redeemed by a loving God, a smart God, a God who sees the bigger picture, and understands what He's doing, and why He made things the way He did.

I can't say exactly why it is we need to submit, I don't have an answer for that, truth is I might never have it. What I do know however is that God has called me to do so, and that's good enough for me. I trust Him, and will try my best to do what He asks me to. I can't say that the thought of submission still doesn't make me a little uneasy, but I have a new understanding, and perspective on it. It doesn't scare me any more because I realize God would never command me to do something that would take away my value, if anything His commandments and orders are there to add to my value, a value that I never would have in the first place if it wasn't for Him, and His love.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Have you ever felt like you're surrounded by expectations? Expectations from your parents to do well in school, expectations from your friends to always be there, to act a certain way, expectations from the people you look up to behave a certain way. I don't know about you but there are just some days when I question my actions. Am I doing it because I want to, or because I feel it's expected from me, did I offer to volunteer because it's what I wanted to do, or because I felt obligated because it's what I've been taught to do, what I know is expected from me.

In a weird way expectations can keep you in check, they set a standard, a code of conduct if you will for my actions. I know what's expected of me, and I do it, no questions asked ( well ok I do ask questions but I always end up doing it anyways so they don't really count). My one worry however is that if I do act in that manner, then it's not really me doing the work. I feel like a puppet almost. I want to know that the my actions are mine. Don't get me wrong I love the guidance and the direction I get from all the people around me, but there's a fine lead between pointing me in the right direction, and moving my feet for me.

Then there are the times that I don't do everything 100% the way they might have wanted me to and I get the whole " we expected better from you, this isn't like you, you know better" speech. That's really what gets me. I have this really weird phobia of disappointment, not just me disappointing people, but people disappointing me. I know it's bound to happen seeing as we're all human, and fallible, but the thought of disappointment will rip my heart apart every time, regardless. So I get the added bonus of not only feeling like a failure because I didn't meet the expectations someone else put in front of me, but because then I also disappointed them, and by extension myself as well.

I know I probably just sound like I'm complaining and I'm sorry about that, but I want you guys to understand something, the only expectations you have to worry about are God's, and His aren't many. He just wants you to love Him with all your heart, everything else will fall into place, He doesn't expect you to be perfect, just to try. I know everyone feels like they're trying to help, and many times they do, who am I kidding alot of the times they do, just remember that if you're going to do something, make sure your heart is in the right place,and it's what you feel God is leading you too, don't just do it because it's expected....I mean come on, what's the fun in that? ;)

Monday, July 26, 2010

I Do...Sortof

So I've had a very peculiar topic on my mind lately. Marriage. You're probably thinking I'm completely crazy seeing as how it's illegal for me to get married in most states, but the thoughts are there none the less. It's not like I obsess over every single detail of my wedding, I've never really been the picture you fairy princess wedding type, but I can't say I haven't thought about it. The only thin I know for sure about my wedding are two things 1) God's going to supply the time, and place, and groom of course, and 2) I'm wearing white converse instead of heels ( if you'd ever seen me attempt to walk in heels, you'd understand).

The idea of marriage seems to be surrounding young girls all the time. Every discussion , every topical teaching just for girls is always about either 1) the way we view our bodies or 2) our future husbands ( at least that's the way it feels). There is nothing wrong with those particular topics, there really aren't, but I think , for me anyways, there is too much emphasis and pressure being put on them. I would honestly love to have a discussion, or teaching about just being women of God, not being submissive wives, and perfect mothers, or all of the other things that we are expected to be, but simply taking it back to basics, and focusing on what our original design was. I'm sorry,I cannot believe that I was put on this planet simply to be someone's wife. Though we can't deny that Eve was created to help Adam, she must have ultimately had another purpose. She did by the way, I've done the research. One of Eve's main tasks s a woman was to be an image bearer of God. As a woman she was to align her every thought and desire with God's.

I have a strong feeling that as women if we focus on that fact first, everything else will fall into place. We will be encouraging, helpful, a great source of joy for not only our husbands, but for all those around us, men, and women alike. Don't get me wrong I love the idea of getting married, and finding someone God designed solely for me I do, I don't want you guys to get the impression that I'm anti-marriage or something. I love the idea of being a wife and mother, from what I hear it's one of the most fulfilling jobs anyone can ever have, but I also believe it's extremely important never to lose sight or our original purpose. We need to focus on God, be the image bearers we were meant to be, and when we've reached that point God will add everything else on from the love of your life, to your adorable children.

It sound hard, trust me even as I am typing this I'm cringing at the journey I'm probably going to have to take to get to that place in my life, but the good thing about it is that when you finally do get to that point in your life ( and you WILL) you'll be able to look back and awe at the amazing work God has done in your life, and the complete transformation He's accomplished in you.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Thank You

Thank You. Two little words, that we casually spit out all day. We say it sometimes out of habit, sometimes out of sincere gratitude, and sometimes because we simply cannot think of anything else to say to someone. Have you ever considered however, how much of an impact those two minute words can have in a person's life, when used properly?

A couple weeks ago I found myself in a very stressful place in my life, I was adjusting to new changes, and just learning to deal with the different twists and turns that life throws at us, when all of a sudden I got a much needed text from an old friend. It was simple, and sweet " thanks for being who you are, hope you have a good day, love you". That's it. That's all it took for a smile to spread across my face, and for my spirit to be lifted. It's incredible the magnanimous power that such a simple sentiment carries. I mean we've all heard the sayings right? " be thankful for what you have", " be content with what you've been given, there are people all around the world that have less than you", we even have a holiday completely devoted to giving thanks and being grateful for what we have in our lives, but are we really as thankful as we should be? Do we thank God for all of the blessings He places in our lives? I'm not talking about just " oh Jesus thank you for holding back the rain until I got home", or " thank You Lord for continuing to provide me with life, a job, a house and Your Grace" blessings ( though we should definitely be thankful for all those things), but the blessings I'm focusing on specifically are the people God places in your life everyday. Think about how lucky we are to have people around us that care about us so much! Friends that will drop whatever it is they're doing to help you, friends that will clear things up if you're confused, or encourage you if you have an extremely apocalyptic day. The type of people that you just stand in awe at because they come through for you time after time. Do we show our appreciation? I mean REALLY show it? Or do we simply start taking it for granted after a while? Do we just expect them to be like that, because it's how they've acted before? Reality check, we don't deserve anything. Nobody on this planet owes us anything. When people encourage you, and are there for you it's because they choose to be there for you, not because some one is forcing them too, but simply because they love you that much.

They do it because God has given them a special love for you, a special desire to help you out when you hit those rough patches, and enjoy the ride with you when it's smooth sailing. Think about all the people God has blessed you with, all the friends, all the families, all the co-workers ( yes, even CO-workers are used by God to shape you, and mold you), just literally take a minute or two to think about them. Think about their faces, their hearts, thinking about all the times they've helped you simply because they care that much. Blows your mind doesn't it? Give thanks for them, thank God for loving us so much that He choses to bless uus in so many wonderful and mysterious ways. Give thanks for the people around you, even if they drive you crazy, they're being used by God too. They'll help you attain patience, and understanding, compassion, and maybe even teach you a little about yourself. I know I am so grateful for the people God's placed in my life, My parents,Raquel, Jasmine, Chris,Tatty, Kimberley, Pinito, Tito, Dasha, Andrew,Bianca, Rudy, Lisa,Michi, Tommy, Matt, Michael, Danny, Kevin, Cris, Michael, Joey, Eli, Izzy, Willie. Sam, Samm, Sizzy, Jorge, Clari, Aimee, Jose, Belkis, Becca, Corinne, Gracie, Grace, Luki, Josie, Kayla, and so many others. People who God has placed in my life to teach me, to mold me , to teach me patience, understanding compassion, LOVE. While I'm no where near perfect in any of those areas, I am grateful for everyone, and anyone who's ever been a part of my learning processs. I am grateful, and in shock at all the love God has chosen to bless me with, and in all the different forms through out my life that, that love can be found. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, soul, and shoes. for everything all of you have done for me. For my like readers, all four of you! =D Thank you for taking the time to read what I write, and to listen to what I have to say. Thank You for attempting to follow my thinking pattern, and my brain. I thank God everyday, for every single one of you.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Ultimate Time Line

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD! Psalm 27:14

So it's pretty easy to say patience has never been a very strong virtue of mine. I'm a very extreme person (which is probably why my parents think I am bipolar) so when I see something that I think I want, or think I am ready for, I go after it with all I have ( I think it's actually a very admirable quality, but that's just my opinion ). However many times that thing I feel I have to have, or have to be a part of, is not necessarily what God wants for me. It's not that He doesn't want to see me happy, it's because He DOES want to see me happy that He has to say no sometimes.

I'll give you a perfect example, last February, a bunch of really close friends of mines took a trip to Disney World, and for one reason or another I wasn't able to take the trip with them. It seriously bummed me out, I felt like I was gonna miss out on a whole bunch of really fun memories, and getting a chance to strengthen the relationship I had with said friends. Little did I know however that God had very different plans, plans that were way better than a trip to Disney. That Sunday a very dear friend of mine asked me to help her out after church because they needed help setting up for a wedding ( it was valentines day, so it was cute, but a little corny). After the wedding she got a text inviting us to go to another friend of ours house to hangout and watch a movie. When we got there I walked it and noticed that I only really knew about half the people there, now i might not look like it but I freak out when I have to introduce myself and hang out with people I don't really know. As the night went on and I got to know the people even more, I found myself thanking God I hadn't gone on that trip. I was already very good friends with the group that went, and I would have many other opportunities to strengthen my relationship with them, but if it wasn't for the circumstances God put me in, there's a very good chance that I wouldn't have the friendships I have now because of that night. That night I gained new perspective on an old face, met three new ones, and most importantly realized that God really does have a plan, He's not just making it up as He goes along, He's a very smart God, and He's the Perfect Strategist.

I don't really know who's reading this right now, or where you might stand with God, but whom ever you may be if you take anything from my little trip down memory lane may it be this; God is REAL, He has a specific outline for your life, He's not into taking chances with your life, or experimenting saying " oh I hope if I send so and so in this direction it'll work out". He KNOWS what He is doing, and He KNOWS and WILL to what's best for you. Keep in mind however that what is BEST for you, is not always what you WANT. Don't get discouraged if God says no to your plans, it simply means that He has something way better in store.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


HELLO! I'm in an unusually good mood today.It's Unusual because I just got up, and I'm not a morning person at all, so when I woke up with a smile on my face I was thrown for a loop. If you read my previous post, I'm sorry, I was having a bit of an emotional breakdown, so it was just all over the place ( I do hope though that, in all my madness God was still able to talk to someone through it).

Ever wake up one morning and just know it's gonna be ok? No matter what might have happened, no matter how you messed up, or whom you might have hurt, everything will be ok, everything will be fixed? Well that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. When I got home yesterday after my morning math class ( ugh! that just sounds wrong, morning and math all at the same time!) I did what I always do when I always get bored, I started to Google stuff.I am the Google Queen! If I have a question, I go to Google, if I'm just slightly curious I'll Google it, whatever it is... I'll Google. You don't want to know how many times I've Googled my name just to see the origin and meaning ( I think I might have a problem ). Anyways back to the original point of the Google talk, yesterday I typed in the words " Ezer Kenedgo" . For those of you who don't know what these words mean, it's the words in Hebrew, that were used to describe Eve, when God first created her. It meant strong helper, but not in the way most people think, through out the Old Testament ,the word Ezer was used to refer to God. He was the Ezer to humans. Ezer is what you turn to in a life and death situation, it refers to a desperate need for something or someone. In the way the Adam desperately needed a companion, and got Eve, so do we get God,except He is so much better than Eve! Not that Eve wasn't great, she was, I actually think she is very under appreciated, but that's another topic for another day.

Going through all the Hebrew, and Greek definitions,and references I felt strangely calm. It's strange what a little research does for me. It just gave me comfort to see how God took care of Adam, and how he takes care of us, even though we don't deserve a single ounce of His Grace. I take pride in my gender and the power women have, but when I started to think about where women receive our power, and strength, it led me back to the ultimate Ezer Himself. As humans, we can't do anything by ourselves,( man or woman) we are in desperate need of a Guide, of a Helper... a supernatural Helper who can do the impossible, the things we cannot even begin to comprehend. He is God, He is Love, He is always there. It's just that simple.

We are empowered as Christians, though it's true we can't do anything on our own, it is also true that we have the ultimate God on our side. So if any of you out there are hurting, or in pain, or nervous, or anxious, or scared, or maybe just confused never forget that God is there, patiently waiting to embrace you in a giant bear hug, and not only tell you everything is gonna be ok, but follow through on the promise. He has the perfect record, if you ask He"ll help, it's just in His magnificent nature. All you have to do is ask

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Great Wall of China

There are so many topics running through my head right now that I don't think I can really pick one to blog about, so I'm sorry if this is a little rough. Last night I was having a conversation with a friend, and for some reason the subject of trust came up. Something was said and I sort of had to back track a little to grasp the full weight of what they said. It amazed me how much one little sentence had so much fear, anger and insecurity woven through it. " You can't trust anyone". The thing that surprised me the most about it though, was how quickly I agreed with the sentiment. If you've ever met me, the first impression you'd get is probably "wow, this chick is loud!", and for the most part,that is very true. I love to talk with people, get their take on things, I love to hang out with large groups of people, I love to be social. You know want to know why?...There's safety in numbers.

If you're in a large group there's less of a chance of anyone getting too close. There's so much excitement,so much buzz that the individual gets lost. It's a comforting place for me. I can be among people I love, I get to have fun, but at the same time still hide. The question is why? Why do I feel like I have to hide? I'm a living oxymoron. I love getting close to people, hanging out, earning their trust, giving guidance, and support, but when it comes to letting people in myself, I'm tougher to break into than Fort Knox ( not that I've tried to break in, but I can imagine).
I've really tried thinking about why it is that it's so hard for me to trust people. I can honestly say there are only about 4 people that I can fully trust on this planet. But why? I've come up with a few theories, insecurity, self doubt, fear ( fear's a very big one). The way I see it, the more you let some one in, the more they have to hurt you with, the more some one knows you, the less you can hide, the less control you have over it all. The only thing I know for sure is this...I'm scared.

It's happened to me so many times, I slip up, let someone too close, and I end up burned. It's human nature, no body's perfect, and we cant be expected to completely understand every single other person on the planet. It's only reasonable that people will hurt you, by mistake or other wise. However my trust issues sometimes cross the boundary of mortality. I've found my self so many times not fully trusting God, or not trusting Him at all. It sounds crazy, I know ( trust me I hate my self sooo much when I catch my self doubting God), but I'm not always sure God's gonna come through, not because He can't but because for whatever reason He won't. It's all for my benefit, I completely comprehend that, His plans for my life are infinitely better for me than anything I could ever come up with, but I still find my self in that dark, hopeless hole many times wondering if He'll deliver.

I really don't know why I''m writing this, I guess it's my way of asking for help? Or maybe a way of offering hope to anyone out there that you're not alone, maybe it's a way of apologizing to anyone I might have pushed away. I'm sorry for anyone who's been hurt by me, I'm sorry for my attitude, I'm sorry if I've been rude, I'm sorry if I've been just plain weird. The only thing I can say right now is that I'm giving it up to God, and trying my best to trust Him ..,don't you just love irony?

******* if you guys could pray for me, that would be very much appreciated, I'm not gonna be able to pull through on my own,especially not with this <3 thanks

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Growth (noun)-the act or process, or a manner of growing; development; gradual increase.

Today marks a very important birthday for me, not mine own, but a very good friends ( Happy Birthday Tattyana!!!). As I sat down to write her birthday card I had a sort of epiphany. Thinking back at what the last year has been like for me, and those around me is crazy! All of my mistakes, and trust me there were plenty, all of my triumphs, all of my decisions, all of the mile-stones that I seem to have hit, but didn't even notice, all punched me straight in the face. All of the new faces I met, some of the friends I lost, it's truly awe inspiring how much can happen in just a single, tiny year. If I were to compare the Monica of last summer, to the Monica before you today... well lets just say I'm happy to say there's some improvement( at least I think).

This improvement, completely amazing in it's own right, came from a place even more astounding, Jesus Christ. It's incredible what He can do with a life that's willing to be used. I'm not saying that I wasn't disgustingly hard headed sometimes, there were a couple times there that were just not some of my most graceful periods, but hey I'm human and I'm trying really hard to be a person that learns from their mistakes. I have to admit that it gives me great comfort to know that God is with us through all our steps, all our mile-stones, all our failures, and all our victories. One of my favorite poems is "footprints in the sand" by Mary Stevenson. Yes it may seem to some to be the ultimate Christian Cliche, but to someone who knows the Truth, and knows the significance of the poem, it is a very powerful work of literature.

We can make the biggest mistakes, stick our foot in our mouths innumerable amounts of time, be just plain ignorant, and it still doesn't matter to God. We are His, and He'll never force us to do anything we don't want to. He wants to see us happy, and in His will, but won't force that. He'll simply wait with open arms until we decide to turn back( and we should always turn back, well actually we should never leave in the first place because that's just plain dumb but you get the point I'm trying to make). It doesn't matter what we might be doing, or might have done, He is always there, and will always be there. Turn to Him, let Him be your Guide, trust me, He'll never lead you in the wrong direction.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It's Not All About Serving

" But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said 'Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me alone to serve? Therefore tell her to help me' and Jesus answered and said to her 'Martha , Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things, But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part which will not be taken away from her.'" - Luke 10:40-42

I love to serve. God has given me that love for serving, I'll pretty much serve anywhere I'm needed. There's something about serving God that always makes me happy. It's an amazing opportunity to learn new things, interact with different people, and just get your hands dirty for the kingdom of God, not that God's work is dirty... it's quite the opposite actually. However sometimes we can become so busy running around church serving in this ministry, or that ministry, that we can lose sight of what we are really at church for .

When you first begin serving it's a joy! You feel like you are doing your part for the church, like God is putting the gifts He gave you to good use, and that your finally doing some positive work for His kingdom. It's so fresh, and exciting the first few times you serve, you love it so much that you decide that you have the time and the energy to serve in another area of the church, maybe the parking ministry or the new believers. Pretty soon you've signed up for about every single ministry your church offers. While serving, and getting plugged into your church are all very important parts of our christian walk, they are not the most important parts, they in many cases can cause us to loose focus on our original purpose of being there.

I'm talking out of experience when I say that serving, while it can be one of the greatest fulfillment you'll have, can also be one of the biggest distractions. It's such a potent force because you don't even realize your being distracted in the first place. You"re serving God, helping His kingdom, how can that be a bad thing? Well it becomes a negative thing when you spend all your time serving and not enough time being fed, or growing. It starts off innocently enough, you didn't sit in service one weekend because the parking ministry was understaffed and they really needed you, you convince yourself that since your an usher you can sit in service, and serve all at the same time ,two for the price of one, you've already served twice this week, but you want to show the pastors and elders that you are really reliable, and are a hard worker so that they make you an over seer, who cares if I miss one or two services, I'm doing it for the good of God's kingdom!

The definition of Ministry is something that serves as an agency, instrument, or means. Ministry is a way for God to use us as His instruments, as a means for Him to communicate to people. I don't know why He chooses to do this, but being the loving, merciful, and beautiful God that He is, He allows us to be a part of His works. Now correct me if I am mistaken but shouldn't we, as His instruments, and as the means through which He chooses to spread His ,at least have some sort of fundamental understanding of what exactly that message is? How are we suppose to do that if we are too busy serving. It's like acquiring a guitar and just starting to play it without first having taken lessons, or at least reading the instruction manual ( I'm actually not sure if guitars have instruction manuals or not, they probably don't, but it's the first thing that same to my mind...sorry) How are we suppose to serve correctly, represent God correctly, if we don't even have the slightest idea of what He's all about? Please don't get me wrong, I am not trying to discourage anyone from serving , not at all, I simply want to warn those out there who might love it as much as I do. Don't lose sight of your First love simply because He has chosen to bless you. Don't be so busy running around serving that when Jesus starts to teach you forget to drop what you are doing and listen.

My prayer for everyone out there who serves is this, yes enjoy every minute of it, ministry is a gift from God, it is meant to be enjoyed, and to be done with a willing and faithful heart, but never forget the One who gave you the precious Gift in the first place. " Every good and perfect gift is from above"-James 1:17. Never become so obsessed with the gift that you forget the Giver.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Out of Sync

Confession time! Well not really a confession so much as it is me stating the obvious. I'm in a funk. I know that doesn't sound like that big of a deal I mean for heavens sake there are civil wars going on all over the world, poverty, disease, famine, injustice and so many other tragedies that are going on in this planet that it seems very silly and childish to be complaining about being in a funk. While it's true that being in a rut, or funk isn't on the scale of a global crisis, as Christians when we are in funks it can be a highly dangerous situation , because that's when most of our defenses are down, and when we open ourselves up to all sorts of distractions, and potential stumbling blocks.

It starts off innocently enough, you get comfortable where you are, you've heard the teachings before, you're familiar with the doctrine, and verses, you volunteer everywhere, and in everything, church starts to feel like your home, work, school, everything combined. You start to treat it as a routine, and that's where everything goes haywire. I know that for me personally, I loved to be challenged by things, books I read, people I meet, conversations I have, I love walking away from something with a new perspective, and a new angle at which to approach a certain situation. So when I start getting into a routine or too comfortable, I start getting bored, I tune out, and don't even bother, I mean I've heard it all before right?...WRONG. It's so wrong it's not even funny. Though it's true that our lives may sometimes start to become mundane, complacent, and repetitive, we can't ever turn on the auto pilot, and just snooze. There is so much to do for God, and His kingdom, that you shouldn't even have time to catch your breath. Try to get out there, and talk to people you normally wouldn't, get more involved in your church, serving in areas that might be new territory for you, read up on certain things you might not be so familiar with, etc. I can honestly say I've tried these methods and they have about an 82% chance of working out for your benefit. Now don't get mad at me if it doesn't work, I just made up that number in my head and I really hate math so......anyways.Try to wiggle out of your comfort zone, because your comfort zone is what got you into trouble in the first place!

If you think about all the people in this world that don't know who Jesus is, or have never been truly presented with an accurate depiction of what He offers, it should make your head spin. There is tremendous need in our own back yard, a need for love, understanding, compassion, you have no idea how many people simply need an open ear, or a shoulder to cry on. God has amazing plans, and for some odd reason or another He seems to want to use us to help Him carry out His plans, which is crazy if you truly think about it, I mean seriously, what could God need us for? I'm just gonna chalked it up to a question I will never know the answer to, anyways back to my point, there is so much for us to do, so much need, that the second we feel like we start to fall into our funks, we need to give ourselves a wake up call and remind ourselves that there's work to be done, and we can rest and be in a "funk' when we get to heaven, even though we'll be worshiping God in heaven so we"ll never fall into a funk ( ... you guys know what I meant right?...) so in the mean time........GET OFF YOUR LAZY BOTTOM, AND GO DO SOMETHING FOR THE KINGDOM, AND GLORY OF GOD!

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Who are you Living for?

In this day and age it's hard to go against the tide, and I mean truly go against the tide, not just say your an "unique individual" but still conform to everything around you with your actions, truly living a complete 180 from the "norm" (whatever normal is anyways) life. As followers of Christ we're that few percent that lives ( or tries anyways) in a completely different fashion from everyone else in this world. I don't know about you but it gets really tough at times. I'll admit it, I sometimes have to think twice when I get invited to a party, or out with some of my friends. It's easy to get lost in the glitter, sparkle, and excitement of an evening out when everyone is so pumped, but those are the times you have to remind yourself that you're not like everyone else. Yes the night seems exciting, but that is only because you haven't seen anyone puke yet, or do something stupid because their under the influence. It's easy to forget about the disappointment of the morning, in the excitement of the night. It's tough times of doubt like these that you bring out your encouraging encourager!

The line probably sounded really cheesy, and repetitive right? Well sorry, but you know sometimes the cheesiest things are the ones that stick. Anyways in my experience I've noticed that the best people to surround yourself with are those that can give you a boost when ever you feel for lack of a better term, "blah". I'm not saying that you should only surround yourself with people that have the gift of encouragement ( though having a friend with that gift definitely helps...trust me) but you should take special care in the people with whom you surround your self in. Another cheesy but true saying , good company corrupts good morals. No lie, if you start hanging out with people who only gossip, cause chaos, and get into trouble chances are their "upstanding" characteristics will eventually rub off on you. I understand that at times, all we want is to be in the" fun and popular "group, but you want to know a little secret? Your true friends, the ones that love you no matter what, and aren't afraid to tell you when you're wrong, that's the group to be in, that's the circle you should long to be a part of. That "popular" group is never having as much fun as they seem, their lives are too busy with drama for any real fun, they've forgotten what true friendship is, and they don't know what it really is to live a set apart, against the tide life.

Be careful with whom you associate yourself with. We can't ever forget that we are not of this world, so we shouldn't be out there trying to fit in, or conform to it's ridiculous standards. We serve, and represent a God who is so much Better than that, why would we want to tarnish His name, and His reputation with actions that are certainly not fit for a King, or His Children. So the next time a big party rolls around, or some gossip is being spread, or you feel left out of the "in" group ( whatever that means), remind yourself of the King you serve. Remind yourself of the fact that He loved you in your lowest times, and that He has certain expectations of us, not much, but expectations none the less, and as His children, and Image Bearers there is a certain way we should be acting. He thinks you're too die for! Live for Him, and leave the rest of the world behind.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Trust Fail?

I was hanging with my friends a couple weeks ago, and all of a sudden someone yells "trust fall!" and proceeds to fall on top of the person right next to them, we were all taken by surprise, no one really expected a random fall in the middle of our fun, but being us we just laughed it off and kept on. When I later questioned my friend about it, he simply said " I wanted to know who was ready, and whom I could trust". The words kind of irked me, I thought it was a silly way to figure out whether or not someone was trustful. I mean there were so many variables, and possibilities to take into account, the situation didn't seem very well trustful. To me the "trust fall" didn't seem all that reliable. To me a trustful person is someone who's actions show you consistency, constant listening, constant support, constant understanding, etc. How could all that information be derived from a simple fall? Then it occurred to me that maybe I was the one with a skewed idea of what a trustful person really is. If you notice my previous description of a trustful person it's a pretty heavy one. I can honestly say that I don't know anyone who is always there, always ready, and willingly to listen, someone who no matter what the situation can be unbiased, and extremely supportive. I thought about it a lot, I realized that the only true being I could always count on to be there for me was God. There is no Other who possibly has the time, energy, desire, or will to always be there, to always listen with open ears, love unconditionally, and support us. Then I asked my self a very hard question: " do I trust God?"

I know you guys are probably rolling your eyes and saying to yourself " well that's a dumb question, why wouldn't you trust God, it's not like He can let you down or anything.", and you guys would be right, God can't let you down. His will is infallible, His purpose for our lives perfect, and wonderful, but still, do I trust God? Do I 100% of the time trust Him to figure things out for me, when trials, and situations arise, do I just immediately give it to Him, because I know, and trust He can and will help me, or do I take a crack at the situation first and trust my own ability? Do I trust that He has me in the perfect place for me right now, or do I complain because I feel it's unfair, or not useful? How much do I truly trust God?

I could understand not trusting some people, or humanity in general, I mean we're all gonna make mistakes, and disappoint people ( even though not trusting people at all is not healthy at all, and we should love everyone, and think the best of them even when we'd rather be hitting them in the face with a bible literally than hitting their heart with it figuratively), I could see were someone could be kind of iffy on the subject, but not trusting God? I'm pretty sure no one had a valid reason for that. So if there is no valid reason for it, why don't I fully trust Him sometimes? Is it my annoying pride, need for accomplishment, or my trust issues, or my self doubt, or my plain old stupidity that sometimes stops me from sometimes trusting Him? I'm pretty sure it's a disgusting combination of all of the above. I'm usually mistrustful of people, not all , just most, because I feel the more I let someone in the more likely it is they'll hurt me, and the stronger it'll sting when they do. I shut people out many times, and keep them away when I feel there's a chance they'll get too close. It's dumb I know, but it's my very warped and weird defense mechanism, it hurts me more in the long run because I sometimes miss out on great relationships, and people. It's a work in progress but I'm getting better at the whole trust thing, have a long way to go though. ( sorry for the tangent, back to main thought) The thing about God is that 1) He's not man 2) He's perfect, so therefore His will for your life is perfect 3) He wants us to be happy, not in pain, so He would never deliberately put us in harm's way & 4) He's GOD!!!.

I think that last one says it all. He isn't going to get close then ditch us, and leave us alone, He isn't going to lead us into a path that is horribly wrong for us, He just wants what's best for us, it's a cliche I know, but it is also extremely true. So if you sometimes struggle with trusting God the way I do I challenge you to think about why that is. Truly think, don't lie to yourself, be completely and totally honest. I bet that if you realize why you don't trust Him sometimes you'll realize it really has nothing to do with God at all. How could it? Don't feel like your a heathen dog because you're not trusting God 100%, fact of life most of us won't, but do try to do something about it. It's a serious issue, one that could really mess with the rest of your life. A great way to start is by simply praying. Pray that He'll show you the right path, and give your courage to trust Him wholeheartedly, no matter what the circumstances maybe. In the mean time... ******* TRUST FALLL!!!*****
( thanks for catching me ;p)

Saturday, June 5, 2010

It's Worth Waiting For

Patience is a virtue. It is simple statement that we have all heard time and time again. "Where is the food? I'm hungry.", " are we there yet? we're bored", " I can't wait for my new book to get here, I'm so excited to read it", " we wish school was over, it's legalized torture!". These are all excuses and circumstances in which we have been told to wait and have some patience. It's probably one of the most uttered phrases in the English language, and for good reason too.Waiting makes things Worth while. My question however is why, if we are so acquainted with this phrase and idea,is it so hard to wait?

My previous post was all about how excited I am about the new chapter in my life, and the changes God is going to bring, this post focuses more on the waiting aspect of my journey. I understand that God has perfect timing, and I trust in His timeline completely, I just don't see why it has to be so difficult. As a woman, I am suppose to be an image bearer of God, meaning my every thought, action, desire, should be aligned perfectly with Him. Key word, should. Right here and now, my timing and His are not exactly best friends, to put it frankly they are not aligned.I'm learning to lean on God with everything I have right now, for everything I need, want, or even think I might someday want. This entails a lot of Patience on my part, and A LOT of work on God's. It's not an easy thing to wait , the outcome of the waiting is magnificent, and always benevolent, it's the simple act that I need to learn to deal with. For anyone who might know me, it's very clear that I am not the most patient person ,( which is probably why God makes me wait for many things, not that I'm complaining about it though...) I usually like to have things go on schedule, however I have to remember that it's not my schedule that is important, it's God's. His timing is going to be 100% more perfect than mine will ever be. Which is one of the many reasons He's God.

This post isn't about me sharing any insight God might have given me, or any word of wisdom I might have received. I just wanted to share my struggle in case any one out there might feel like they have been forgotten, or put on hold, you haven't, just remember God is working on a perfect schedule, and that means that sometimes He has to say " wait a little while" or " not now, it'll be even better later". Don't become discouraged, and don't break out the "pity party" balloons, and streamers, just take comfort in knowing that when God finally reveals His plan it's going to be so much more magnanimous than you had ever imagined.

P.S If you could keep me in prayer that would be great and very much appreciated, I'm going to need all the help I can get on this one.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

New Beginnings

So I just finished reading that amazing book I mentioned in my earlier post, and I have to say ...WOW. It amazes me time and time again how awesome God is, and how faithful He is to introduce things into our lives at just the perfect moment. He gave me perfect map quest directions to where He wants me to go next. His timing is truly something that is to be marveled at. If you take the time to think about all the people in this world, and how God is working perfectly in everyone of their lives,it's a mind boggling thought, frankly it gives me goose bumps.

It's incredible how we progress through out our lives. We go from being babes in our mothers wombs, to infants who need constant care, to extremely curious toddlers, to "big" boy and girls who are learning to do things by themselves, to pre-teens, then we head into the exciting, yet sometimes very dangerous teenage years, and before we know it we are stepping into the world as full fledged adults. It's a bit scary if you think about how fast time seems to just fly by us. I've been invited to so many graduation ceremonies this year that I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. There graduates are kids I've known all my life, kids I've played soccer with, kids I've had tea parties, and sleepovers with and I find my self asking a very important question ...where did the time go?

Now it's important to realize that though we are ruled in certain ways by time, it's not actually time that we have to be concerned with, it's how we use, or don't use our time, that is truly relevant to how we live our lives. God has shown me so much in the past few weeks it's incredible, and I'm still soaking it all in. It sounds so corny, and I hate that I have to say it, but there is no other way to put it...I'm growing up. There I said it, I'm no longer a child, I'm learning more and more everyday of what is expected of me as a young woman, not just getting married, or having children, but what it really means to be a daughter of God, to be a representative on this earth for Him, and let me just tell you it's definitely never been taught in any course I've ever been offered before. This sacred knowledge comes from personally being acquainted with your Lord, and Savior, it also comes from the wisdom of those around you whom have also followed in Hid footsteps. It's true what they say, age comes from experience.

Like I mentioned before, I'm growing up, I'm starting college in the fall, granted I'll still technically be enrolled in high school ( I'm doing a duel enrollment program) but I'm still going to be exposed to a completely different surrounding, I'm going to have to learn to deal with professors who are going to bash my faith, peers who will probably ostracize me because of the way I act, or the opinions I voice, but I might also make new friends who share the same views as me, discover new interests, and finally figure out what God wants for my future. I'm excited, I'm ready to enter a new "world". I still have lifetimes of information, and knowledge to gather, I am no where near being an "intelligent and wise adult", nor do I think I'll ever reach that status, but I'm excited to experience what God will offer me through this new journey, the new view on the world I'll gain, the education I'll receive, and I know I'm going to hate myself for saying this later, but I'm also some what looking forward to some of the trials He has in store for me.

So as the school year closes and I look back, I can honestly say I had a blast, I had a little tiffs along the way, but over all it was a time in my life I'll never forget. I know God placed me in my school for a reason, and I'm glad He did, but as I look forward I see opportunities, experiences, adventures, and so many other things that my future is promising me, that I can wait to jump right in. I'm not going to lie to you, there are some day where I just dread the idea of starting college, and having to compete with top student in rigorous courses, but on those days I simply stop, breathe, take a step back , and remember, I have the God of the Universe on my side! What can mere mortals to do me? Congratulations to all you graduates out there, and I hope your just as excited for your next step as I am for mine.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Eve's Legacy

"And the LORD God said, '[It is] not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'" Genesis 2:18

Last night I started reading a truly inspiring book. It is a book about lost women of the Bible, and how God used them to tell His story. It naturally starts with the very first woman. Eve. Now when we think of Eve, we usually have a very negative view of her, after all we blame her for humanity's fall from the Garden don't we? However as the author of the book took a closer look at Eve, the original Eve, not the 'fallen" one, she discovered what God really meant for women . She uncovered God's original blue print for what His daughters are suppose to look like. We are meant to be His image bearers, meaning we are to reflect God, He made us so that our life's purpose is to align ourselves with Him. This means that we are to love what He loves, hate what He hates, act the way He acts, and live in the same manner. Now because of sin, we are no able to, which is where our kinsmen redeemer, Jesus Christ comes in, but with His help, our lives are supposed to be a reflection of the mighty and wonderful Creator. We are also called to be "helpers" of man. Now I know some women out there might get offended by this, I'll admit I did when I first heard this, but let me explain. The word used to describe Eve, the word used for helper was "Ezer". It is a word that means Strong helper, not just any type of helper. It is also a word that was used in Hebrew to describe a warrior. As women, we are meant to be strong helpers of man, we are called to help men out in the areas that they are lacking, and contrary to popular belief, this aid does not end with our husbands. We are meant to help out any man that we might have to co-exist with, whether it be our brothers, husband, father, neighbor, cousin, peer, or co-workers. We are to love and help our neighbors. We were build for that very reason, to be warriors, we were born into a battlefield, never think otherwise. As women, we are to fight right along side men in the spiritual battle that goes on all around us, everyday. We are to encourage, support, and uplift them, they need us, just as much as we need them. 1st Corinthians 11: 11-12 "Nevertheless, neither man is independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man comes through woman; but all things are from God". Males, and females are literally made for each other. Which is where woman's third main quality comes in, we are not to be simply bearers of His Image, and Ezers, but we are also to enter into the Blessed Alliance. Like I mentioned before men, and women are interdependent of each other. Women, we need men sometimes, admit it, but in the same way, men also need us. God created males, and females, so that when we came together we would compliment each other, where one fell short, the other exceeded ( all with God's help of course) , we need each other bottom line, it's the only way things can work out.

Women have been looked down upon for ages, it is the result of Eve's lost legacy. As the first woman, she held the key to what God truly made us for, but with her expulsion from the Garden, came the erasing of just what that legacy was. My challenge for whomever might be reading this blog is this: remember. Remember what God truly created you for. Being a wife and mother are two of the toughest, and most satisfying jobs to have ( or so I speculate) but those are not the sole reasons God creating women for. He created us to 1) be a reflection of His Glory, and to align ourselves as much as possible with Him 2) to be Ezers, warriors among the war zone we call Earth, warriors that fight side by side with the men around us, and 3) part of The Blessed Alliance, we are to help men, not fight with them, it isn't us vs. them, it's men and woman of God working together to accomplish good works. We are daughters of the true Eve, we were created to carry out , and continue her powerful legacy, the Legacy that the almighty Creator, entrusted her, and by association us, to uphold.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Promise of Rain

Exhausted. If any word can sum up perfectly the way that I've been feeling lately that would be it. I'm exhausted, and worn out, it sounds strange but I feel like I've aged an entire decade in a month. I can no longer recognize the person I was last year, or even really last month.God has revealed so much to me about my self in the past few weeks, things that I myself didn't even realize i struggled with, I've seen growth, but also failure, hope, but also despair. I haven't gone through a huge change, or extremely difficult trial, I'm just different. The small trials I've experience in the past few weeks have made me take a completely different path than the one I was previously on.

It's not a negative change, it's actually the smartest thing I've done in a while, and a change that need to be made. I've been rebellious, and prideful, selfish,and ungrateful. God blessed me with amazing gifts, and yet I ask for more, I was protected, yet I complained, I was set apart, yet I didn't appreciate it. The last month has shown me how completely trivial "high school" is, how unimportant the opinions of your so called "friends" are, and how much unimportance the world truly holds.I no longer care what is thought of me, I am who God created me to be, and no one else. I'm sorry if I don't meet your expectations, I'm sorry I'm not the person you specifically want me to be,but I am trying to be the person God wants me to be,I'm trying to be all I can be, for the kingdom, and glory of my Father, and frankly that's all that matters to me. I'm sick of the pointless drama, the hypocrisy and emotionally draining people I've had to deal with over the last two years. I'm saying goodbye to all of it, and embracing the beautiful, peaceful, and love filled light that is our wonderful Creator, and Father. There is no other way to live a worth while life.

I'm exhausted, and if I want to be the tool of light that I want to be,I need to stop and give it all up to Him, my heart,my hopes,my dreams,my fears,my wants,and my everything to Him, it's the only way it's gonna work.I found it a little funny that today of all days it started to rain.I know it might sound silly to some people, but I know the rain was God's little gift to me, He was telling me "Monica I know you're tired, I know your heart is polluted by all of the uncleanliness around you, but because you have surrendered yourself completely to Me, I will wash you clean, I will make you pure, and whole, I will make you a vessel of honor for My Kingdom (2tim2:20-21)."

I don't know who might be reading this, or what you might be going through, but surrender it to the Lord, no matter how minute, or how huge you might think your issues are, He wants to help us, He wants to solve them for us, He wants us to trust Him. He's waiting for you, all you have to do is pray, "Dear God, I need your help, and guidance with (insert problem here)". He's always there for us, we just have to turn to Him, and let Him wash us clean.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The True Happily Ever After

I have come to a realization that movies lie. I am the first person to vouch for movies, and the awesome power that they seem to wield over me, but when you take a closer look, they simply fill girl's minds and hearts with unrealistic ideas and expectations. Movies have taught us to believe that a guy's love is the only thing you need in life to be happy, the second we find our "prince charming" we're set for life. My question however is, what on earth is wrong with movie makers??? No disrespect to Mr. Charming but he's not gonna complete my life, or make it worth living. Instead of focusing on guys as the source of our happiness, maybe movie makers should focus on the only true source of peace and happiness, which isn't prince charming, but rather the Prince of Peace Himself,Jesus Christ.
I'm not saying that love isn't a true force or that it doesn't exist, but it exists in a completely different form than the one that is very regularly portrayed on TV.The love that is gonna make your life worth while is the love that we get from Jesus Christ, no one else. I mean of course you'll love your spouse, and they'll make you very happy, but that happiness wont come without it's own struggles.Think about it, two completely different individuals, with their own routines, own little quirks, and rituals, and your sticking them under the same roof, there's bound to be a little discomfort. With Jesus as the center of the marriage however, we truly see what marriage is suppose to be.It's not about the weird little habits that your wife, or husband might have, or the difference in the shows the both of you have, it's about two becoming one, two people coming together to grow closer to their loving Savior.It's still a personal relationship with God, it's just that now you have a partner in crime to help you out. Women are suppose to be submissive to their husbands, and husbands are called to love their wives like God loves the church.
I love, love. I can't wait for the day when I am a married women, but I'm under no false impressions of what marriage, and love are. I know its a tremendous amount of hard work, and compromise, and that without doing it in a Godly way it's never gonna work, and its definitely nothing like the movies.My little tip for everyone out there that is looking for some advice, and instruction on love, and marriage, turn off your TV, and open up The Bible. It's the ultimate love story with the perfect ending. With God as the writer, how could it not be?