Welcome to your Journey

Every living body on this Earth is on a Journey. Whether it be a journey of self discovery, a journey to heal, a journey to success, or even just the journey of life, we are all striving for something. Welcome to my Journey, the journey of seeing what God wants for me and my life, and all the wonderful blessings and lessons He allows me to experience. I hope that this will help someone out there realize that they are are their own journey as well, and that God wants to be the Guide. Who could possibly be a better guide than the Loving God who created us?


Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Have you ever felt like you're surrounded by expectations? Expectations from your parents to do well in school, expectations from your friends to always be there, to act a certain way, expectations from the people you look up to behave a certain way. I don't know about you but there are just some days when I question my actions. Am I doing it because I want to, or because I feel it's expected from me, did I offer to volunteer because it's what I wanted to do, or because I felt obligated because it's what I've been taught to do, what I know is expected from me.

In a weird way expectations can keep you in check, they set a standard, a code of conduct if you will for my actions. I know what's expected of me, and I do it, no questions asked ( well ok I do ask questions but I always end up doing it anyways so they don't really count). My one worry however is that if I do act in that manner, then it's not really me doing the work. I feel like a puppet almost. I want to know that the my actions are mine. Don't get me wrong I love the guidance and the direction I get from all the people around me, but there's a fine lead between pointing me in the right direction, and moving my feet for me.

Then there are the times that I don't do everything 100% the way they might have wanted me to and I get the whole " we expected better from you, this isn't like you, you know better" speech. That's really what gets me. I have this really weird phobia of disappointment, not just me disappointing people, but people disappointing me. I know it's bound to happen seeing as we're all human, and fallible, but the thought of disappointment will rip my heart apart every time, regardless. So I get the added bonus of not only feeling like a failure because I didn't meet the expectations someone else put in front of me, but because then I also disappointed them, and by extension myself as well.

I know I probably just sound like I'm complaining and I'm sorry about that, but I want you guys to understand something, the only expectations you have to worry about are God's, and His aren't many. He just wants you to love Him with all your heart, everything else will fall into place, He doesn't expect you to be perfect, just to try. I know everyone feels like they're trying to help, and many times they do, who am I kidding alot of the times they do, just remember that if you're going to do something, make sure your heart is in the right place,and it's what you feel God is leading you too, don't just do it because it's expected....I mean come on, what's the fun in that? ;)

Monday, July 26, 2010

I Do...Sortof

So I've had a very peculiar topic on my mind lately. Marriage. You're probably thinking I'm completely crazy seeing as how it's illegal for me to get married in most states, but the thoughts are there none the less. It's not like I obsess over every single detail of my wedding, I've never really been the picture you fairy princess wedding type, but I can't say I haven't thought about it. The only thin I know for sure about my wedding are two things 1) God's going to supply the time, and place, and groom of course, and 2) I'm wearing white converse instead of heels ( if you'd ever seen me attempt to walk in heels, you'd understand).

The idea of marriage seems to be surrounding young girls all the time. Every discussion , every topical teaching just for girls is always about either 1) the way we view our bodies or 2) our future husbands ( at least that's the way it feels). There is nothing wrong with those particular topics, there really aren't, but I think , for me anyways, there is too much emphasis and pressure being put on them. I would honestly love to have a discussion, or teaching about just being women of God, not being submissive wives, and perfect mothers, or all of the other things that we are expected to be, but simply taking it back to basics, and focusing on what our original design was. I'm sorry,I cannot believe that I was put on this planet simply to be someone's wife. Though we can't deny that Eve was created to help Adam, she must have ultimately had another purpose. She did by the way, I've done the research. One of Eve's main tasks s a woman was to be an image bearer of God. As a woman she was to align her every thought and desire with God's.

I have a strong feeling that as women if we focus on that fact first, everything else will fall into place. We will be encouraging, helpful, a great source of joy for not only our husbands, but for all those around us, men, and women alike. Don't get me wrong I love the idea of getting married, and finding someone God designed solely for me I do, I don't want you guys to get the impression that I'm anti-marriage or something. I love the idea of being a wife and mother, from what I hear it's one of the most fulfilling jobs anyone can ever have, but I also believe it's extremely important never to lose sight or our original purpose. We need to focus on God, be the image bearers we were meant to be, and when we've reached that point God will add everything else on from the love of your life, to your adorable children.

It sound hard, trust me even as I am typing this I'm cringing at the journey I'm probably going to have to take to get to that place in my life, but the good thing about it is that when you finally do get to that point in your life ( and you WILL) you'll be able to look back and awe at the amazing work God has done in your life, and the complete transformation He's accomplished in you.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Thank You

Thank You. Two little words, that we casually spit out all day. We say it sometimes out of habit, sometimes out of sincere gratitude, and sometimes because we simply cannot think of anything else to say to someone. Have you ever considered however, how much of an impact those two minute words can have in a person's life, when used properly?

A couple weeks ago I found myself in a very stressful place in my life, I was adjusting to new changes, and just learning to deal with the different twists and turns that life throws at us, when all of a sudden I got a much needed text from an old friend. It was simple, and sweet " thanks for being who you are, hope you have a good day, love you". That's it. That's all it took for a smile to spread across my face, and for my spirit to be lifted. It's incredible the magnanimous power that such a simple sentiment carries. I mean we've all heard the sayings right? " be thankful for what you have", " be content with what you've been given, there are people all around the world that have less than you", we even have a holiday completely devoted to giving thanks and being grateful for what we have in our lives, but are we really as thankful as we should be? Do we thank God for all of the blessings He places in our lives? I'm not talking about just " oh Jesus thank you for holding back the rain until I got home", or " thank You Lord for continuing to provide me with life, a job, a house and Your Grace" blessings ( though we should definitely be thankful for all those things), but the blessings I'm focusing on specifically are the people God places in your life everyday. Think about how lucky we are to have people around us that care about us so much! Friends that will drop whatever it is they're doing to help you, friends that will clear things up if you're confused, or encourage you if you have an extremely apocalyptic day. The type of people that you just stand in awe at because they come through for you time after time. Do we show our appreciation? I mean REALLY show it? Or do we simply start taking it for granted after a while? Do we just expect them to be like that, because it's how they've acted before? Reality check, we don't deserve anything. Nobody on this planet owes us anything. When people encourage you, and are there for you it's because they choose to be there for you, not because some one is forcing them too, but simply because they love you that much.

They do it because God has given them a special love for you, a special desire to help you out when you hit those rough patches, and enjoy the ride with you when it's smooth sailing. Think about all the people God has blessed you with, all the friends, all the families, all the co-workers ( yes, even CO-workers are used by God to shape you, and mold you), just literally take a minute or two to think about them. Think about their faces, their hearts, thinking about all the times they've helped you simply because they care that much. Blows your mind doesn't it? Give thanks for them, thank God for loving us so much that He choses to bless uus in so many wonderful and mysterious ways. Give thanks for the people around you, even if they drive you crazy, they're being used by God too. They'll help you attain patience, and understanding, compassion, and maybe even teach you a little about yourself. I know I am so grateful for the people God's placed in my life, My parents,Raquel, Jasmine, Chris,Tatty, Kimberley, Pinito, Tito, Dasha, Andrew,Bianca, Rudy, Lisa,Michi, Tommy, Matt, Michael, Danny, Kevin, Cris, Michael, Joey, Eli, Izzy, Willie. Sam, Samm, Sizzy, Jorge, Clari, Aimee, Jose, Belkis, Becca, Corinne, Gracie, Grace, Luki, Josie, Kayla, and so many others. People who God has placed in my life to teach me, to mold me , to teach me patience, understanding compassion, LOVE. While I'm no where near perfect in any of those areas, I am grateful for everyone, and anyone who's ever been a part of my learning processs. I am grateful, and in shock at all the love God has chosen to bless me with, and in all the different forms through out my life that, that love can be found. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, soul, and shoes. for everything all of you have done for me. For my like readers, all four of you! =D Thank you for taking the time to read what I write, and to listen to what I have to say. Thank You for attempting to follow my thinking pattern, and my brain. I thank God everyday, for every single one of you.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Ultimate Time Line

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD! Psalm 27:14

So it's pretty easy to say patience has never been a very strong virtue of mine. I'm a very extreme person (which is probably why my parents think I am bipolar) so when I see something that I think I want, or think I am ready for, I go after it with all I have ( I think it's actually a very admirable quality, but that's just my opinion ). However many times that thing I feel I have to have, or have to be a part of, is not necessarily what God wants for me. It's not that He doesn't want to see me happy, it's because He DOES want to see me happy that He has to say no sometimes.

I'll give you a perfect example, last February, a bunch of really close friends of mines took a trip to Disney World, and for one reason or another I wasn't able to take the trip with them. It seriously bummed me out, I felt like I was gonna miss out on a whole bunch of really fun memories, and getting a chance to strengthen the relationship I had with said friends. Little did I know however that God had very different plans, plans that were way better than a trip to Disney. That Sunday a very dear friend of mine asked me to help her out after church because they needed help setting up for a wedding ( it was valentines day, so it was cute, but a little corny). After the wedding she got a text inviting us to go to another friend of ours house to hangout and watch a movie. When we got there I walked it and noticed that I only really knew about half the people there, now i might not look like it but I freak out when I have to introduce myself and hang out with people I don't really know. As the night went on and I got to know the people even more, I found myself thanking God I hadn't gone on that trip. I was already very good friends with the group that went, and I would have many other opportunities to strengthen my relationship with them, but if it wasn't for the circumstances God put me in, there's a very good chance that I wouldn't have the friendships I have now because of that night. That night I gained new perspective on an old face, met three new ones, and most importantly realized that God really does have a plan, He's not just making it up as He goes along, He's a very smart God, and He's the Perfect Strategist.

I don't really know who's reading this right now, or where you might stand with God, but whom ever you may be if you take anything from my little trip down memory lane may it be this; God is REAL, He has a specific outline for your life, He's not into taking chances with your life, or experimenting saying " oh I hope if I send so and so in this direction it'll work out". He KNOWS what He is doing, and He KNOWS and WILL to what's best for you. Keep in mind however that what is BEST for you, is not always what you WANT. Don't get discouraged if God says no to your plans, it simply means that He has something way better in store.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


HELLO! I'm in an unusually good mood today.It's Unusual because I just got up, and I'm not a morning person at all, so when I woke up with a smile on my face I was thrown for a loop. If you read my previous post, I'm sorry, I was having a bit of an emotional breakdown, so it was just all over the place ( I do hope though that, in all my madness God was still able to talk to someone through it).

Ever wake up one morning and just know it's gonna be ok? No matter what might have happened, no matter how you messed up, or whom you might have hurt, everything will be ok, everything will be fixed? Well that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. When I got home yesterday after my morning math class ( ugh! that just sounds wrong, morning and math all at the same time!) I did what I always do when I always get bored, I started to Google stuff.I am the Google Queen! If I have a question, I go to Google, if I'm just slightly curious I'll Google it, whatever it is... I'll Google. You don't want to know how many times I've Googled my name just to see the origin and meaning ( I think I might have a problem ). Anyways back to the original point of the Google talk, yesterday I typed in the words " Ezer Kenedgo" . For those of you who don't know what these words mean, it's the words in Hebrew, that were used to describe Eve, when God first created her. It meant strong helper, but not in the way most people think, through out the Old Testament ,the word Ezer was used to refer to God. He was the Ezer to humans. Ezer is what you turn to in a life and death situation, it refers to a desperate need for something or someone. In the way the Adam desperately needed a companion, and got Eve, so do we get God,except He is so much better than Eve! Not that Eve wasn't great, she was, I actually think she is very under appreciated, but that's another topic for another day.

Going through all the Hebrew, and Greek definitions,and references I felt strangely calm. It's strange what a little research does for me. It just gave me comfort to see how God took care of Adam, and how he takes care of us, even though we don't deserve a single ounce of His Grace. I take pride in my gender and the power women have, but when I started to think about where women receive our power, and strength, it led me back to the ultimate Ezer Himself. As humans, we can't do anything by ourselves,( man or woman) we are in desperate need of a Guide, of a Helper... a supernatural Helper who can do the impossible, the things we cannot even begin to comprehend. He is God, He is Love, He is always there. It's just that simple.

We are empowered as Christians, though it's true we can't do anything on our own, it is also true that we have the ultimate God on our side. So if any of you out there are hurting, or in pain, or nervous, or anxious, or scared, or maybe just confused never forget that God is there, patiently waiting to embrace you in a giant bear hug, and not only tell you everything is gonna be ok, but follow through on the promise. He has the perfect record, if you ask He"ll help, it's just in His magnificent nature. All you have to do is ask

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Great Wall of China

There are so many topics running through my head right now that I don't think I can really pick one to blog about, so I'm sorry if this is a little rough. Last night I was having a conversation with a friend, and for some reason the subject of trust came up. Something was said and I sort of had to back track a little to grasp the full weight of what they said. It amazed me how much one little sentence had so much fear, anger and insecurity woven through it. " You can't trust anyone". The thing that surprised me the most about it though, was how quickly I agreed with the sentiment. If you've ever met me, the first impression you'd get is probably "wow, this chick is loud!", and for the most part,that is very true. I love to talk with people, get their take on things, I love to hang out with large groups of people, I love to be social. You know want to know why?...There's safety in numbers.

If you're in a large group there's less of a chance of anyone getting too close. There's so much excitement,so much buzz that the individual gets lost. It's a comforting place for me. I can be among people I love, I get to have fun, but at the same time still hide. The question is why? Why do I feel like I have to hide? I'm a living oxymoron. I love getting close to people, hanging out, earning their trust, giving guidance, and support, but when it comes to letting people in myself, I'm tougher to break into than Fort Knox ( not that I've tried to break in, but I can imagine).
I've really tried thinking about why it is that it's so hard for me to trust people. I can honestly say there are only about 4 people that I can fully trust on this planet. But why? I've come up with a few theories, insecurity, self doubt, fear ( fear's a very big one). The way I see it, the more you let some one in, the more they have to hurt you with, the more some one knows you, the less you can hide, the less control you have over it all. The only thing I know for sure is this...I'm scared.

It's happened to me so many times, I slip up, let someone too close, and I end up burned. It's human nature, no body's perfect, and we cant be expected to completely understand every single other person on the planet. It's only reasonable that people will hurt you, by mistake or other wise. However my trust issues sometimes cross the boundary of mortality. I've found my self so many times not fully trusting God, or not trusting Him at all. It sounds crazy, I know ( trust me I hate my self sooo much when I catch my self doubting God), but I'm not always sure God's gonna come through, not because He can't but because for whatever reason He won't. It's all for my benefit, I completely comprehend that, His plans for my life are infinitely better for me than anything I could ever come up with, but I still find my self in that dark, hopeless hole many times wondering if He'll deliver.

I really don't know why I''m writing this, I guess it's my way of asking for help? Or maybe a way of offering hope to anyone out there that you're not alone, maybe it's a way of apologizing to anyone I might have pushed away. I'm sorry for anyone who's been hurt by me, I'm sorry for my attitude, I'm sorry if I've been rude, I'm sorry if I've been just plain weird. The only thing I can say right now is that I'm giving it up to God, and trying my best to trust Him ..,don't you just love irony?

******* if you guys could pray for me, that would be very much appreciated, I'm not gonna be able to pull through on my own,especially not with this <3 thanks

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Growth (noun)-the act or process, or a manner of growing; development; gradual increase.

Today marks a very important birthday for me, not mine own, but a very good friends ( Happy Birthday Tattyana!!!). As I sat down to write her birthday card I had a sort of epiphany. Thinking back at what the last year has been like for me, and those around me is crazy! All of my mistakes, and trust me there were plenty, all of my triumphs, all of my decisions, all of the mile-stones that I seem to have hit, but didn't even notice, all punched me straight in the face. All of the new faces I met, some of the friends I lost, it's truly awe inspiring how much can happen in just a single, tiny year. If I were to compare the Monica of last summer, to the Monica before you today... well lets just say I'm happy to say there's some improvement( at least I think).

This improvement, completely amazing in it's own right, came from a place even more astounding, Jesus Christ. It's incredible what He can do with a life that's willing to be used. I'm not saying that I wasn't disgustingly hard headed sometimes, there were a couple times there that were just not some of my most graceful periods, but hey I'm human and I'm trying really hard to be a person that learns from their mistakes. I have to admit that it gives me great comfort to know that God is with us through all our steps, all our mile-stones, all our failures, and all our victories. One of my favorite poems is "footprints in the sand" by Mary Stevenson. Yes it may seem to some to be the ultimate Christian Cliche, but to someone who knows the Truth, and knows the significance of the poem, it is a very powerful work of literature.

We can make the biggest mistakes, stick our foot in our mouths innumerable amounts of time, be just plain ignorant, and it still doesn't matter to God. We are His, and He'll never force us to do anything we don't want to. He wants to see us happy, and in His will, but won't force that. He'll simply wait with open arms until we decide to turn back( and we should always turn back, well actually we should never leave in the first place because that's just plain dumb but you get the point I'm trying to make). It doesn't matter what we might be doing, or might have done, He is always there, and will always be there. Turn to Him, let Him be your Guide, trust me, He'll never lead you in the wrong direction.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

It's Not All About Serving

" But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached Him and said 'Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me alone to serve? Therefore tell her to help me' and Jesus answered and said to her 'Martha , Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things, But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part which will not be taken away from her.'" - Luke 10:40-42

I love to serve. God has given me that love for serving, I'll pretty much serve anywhere I'm needed. There's something about serving God that always makes me happy. It's an amazing opportunity to learn new things, interact with different people, and just get your hands dirty for the kingdom of God, not that God's work is dirty... it's quite the opposite actually. However sometimes we can become so busy running around church serving in this ministry, or that ministry, that we can lose sight of what we are really at church for .

When you first begin serving it's a joy! You feel like you are doing your part for the church, like God is putting the gifts He gave you to good use, and that your finally doing some positive work for His kingdom. It's so fresh, and exciting the first few times you serve, you love it so much that you decide that you have the time and the energy to serve in another area of the church, maybe the parking ministry or the new believers. Pretty soon you've signed up for about every single ministry your church offers. While serving, and getting plugged into your church are all very important parts of our christian walk, they are not the most important parts, they in many cases can cause us to loose focus on our original purpose of being there.

I'm talking out of experience when I say that serving, while it can be one of the greatest fulfillment you'll have, can also be one of the biggest distractions. It's such a potent force because you don't even realize your being distracted in the first place. You"re serving God, helping His kingdom, how can that be a bad thing? Well it becomes a negative thing when you spend all your time serving and not enough time being fed, or growing. It starts off innocently enough, you didn't sit in service one weekend because the parking ministry was understaffed and they really needed you, you convince yourself that since your an usher you can sit in service, and serve all at the same time ,two for the price of one, you've already served twice this week, but you want to show the pastors and elders that you are really reliable, and are a hard worker so that they make you an over seer, who cares if I miss one or two services, I'm doing it for the good of God's kingdom!

The definition of Ministry is something that serves as an agency, instrument, or means. Ministry is a way for God to use us as His instruments, as a means for Him to communicate to people. I don't know why He chooses to do this, but being the loving, merciful, and beautiful God that He is, He allows us to be a part of His works. Now correct me if I am mistaken but shouldn't we, as His instruments, and as the means through which He chooses to spread His ,at least have some sort of fundamental understanding of what exactly that message is? How are we suppose to do that if we are too busy serving. It's like acquiring a guitar and just starting to play it without first having taken lessons, or at least reading the instruction manual ( I'm actually not sure if guitars have instruction manuals or not, they probably don't, but it's the first thing that same to my mind...sorry) How are we suppose to serve correctly, represent God correctly, if we don't even have the slightest idea of what He's all about? Please don't get me wrong, I am not trying to discourage anyone from serving , not at all, I simply want to warn those out there who might love it as much as I do. Don't lose sight of your First love simply because He has chosen to bless you. Don't be so busy running around serving that when Jesus starts to teach you forget to drop what you are doing and listen.

My prayer for everyone out there who serves is this, yes enjoy every minute of it, ministry is a gift from God, it is meant to be enjoyed, and to be done with a willing and faithful heart, but never forget the One who gave you the precious Gift in the first place. " Every good and perfect gift is from above"-James 1:17. Never become so obsessed with the gift that you forget the Giver.