Provers 31

" She is closed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future"- Proverbs 31:25

Hello! Well it's back to school week for me, and I have to say I'm looking forward to it. The verse that I posted at the top came to me literally like a minute ago, along with the realization that even though tomorrow is the first day of a new school, there is a 95% chance I will get lost, I have to start taking AP Calc, and I'm taking on a very heavy work load this year...I'm not scared.(I'm a tad bit nervous, but it doesn't really count)I'm confident in the place God has me in right now, I'm happy. It's kind of a weird feeling for me, but I like it,I like the fact that for once I'm not freaking out over everything, or really anything.

The Proverbs 31 lady used to sincerely bug me. It was nothing personal,she just bugged me in the same way June Clever used to bug me, she was too perfect. I felt she as if she was setting an unreachable goal for the rest of woman kind, or rather setting us up to fail. It's wasn't until very recently that I realized she wasn't concerned about how her actions would affect the rest of human kind, she was concerned on whether or not her actions were pleasing towards God. That was her only goal, she was following the blue print originally designed for woman. She wasn't naturally perfect on her own, I'm sure she wasn't born in total perfection, I highly doubt she reached perfection at all in her life time, but what she did achieve was something much more worth while. She won the approval of a beautiful loving God. God didn't love her because she was perfect, neither did her children nor her husband, she was loved and admired because she was made perfect through and because of Him.

I hope this serves as a reminder that we shouldn't seek perfection, it's a
pointless pursuit, what we should seek however is the approval of our Wonderful Father. The pursuit of Perfection is something I struggle with a lot, but as I see from Mrs.P31,I've been pursuing the completely wrong thing.God doesn't need me to be perfect, in fact He KNOWS I'm not perfect, and I'll never be, but He loves me anyways. He's set rules for me, and just wants me to do my absolute best in keeping them. That's the beauty of Him, He knows our faults and weaknesses( psalm 139), yet He adores us anyways...crazy right? Don't get caught up with perfection, with being the perfect bible scholar, or with being the perfect verse reciter, or the perfect husband, or wife, because you'll never reach your goal. You'll spend the rest of your life chasing ghosts,and winding up with nothing but emptiness, and misery. Focus on the standard God has called us to, focus on making Him happy and everything else will fall into place, that's His promise, and He can't lie.
"But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you"- Matthew 6:33 <3

The 6.5 Billion Other People on This Planet

Have you ever noticed how different you are from everyone else around you? I mean sure there are the select few that share many of your interests,or opinions, but for the most part we're all pretty different.We live in a world with 6.5 Billion other people,those people all with different personalities, characteristics, quirks and so many other little things that distinguishes all of us from each other.In a world with so much diversity, how do you live? How do you learn to get along with people, or even stand them? How do you make it all work?
I try to be as pleasant as possible, I fail miserably most time, but I should at least get some points for trying, right? Maybe not, I don't know,I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I can't continue to isolate my self from people because I don't like the way they act, because I'll just end up isolating my self from the world, I can't just pretend like everything's OK, because then I'm lying and that is definitely not OK with me,I could try confrontation, but I don't handle confrontation very well ( shocking right?) I guess I'm a little stuck right now, the only thing to do is take it one day at a time. Who knows maybe I'll learn some great big life lesson from this, maybe not, I guess that's part of the fun, not knowing where you're journey will lead you.

Starry Nights

Did you know that the night sky is beautiful? I didn't. It's a beautiful array of sparkles in darkness. The stars act as small reminders that even in scary, vast , empty, darkness there are moments of beauty and light. I know I said I wasn't going to post again for another week, but I just couldn't stay away.

I am currently spending a week with my cousins in beautiful St. Augustine, Florida. It's a beautiful place, but much of it is farm land, and highway, it's nothing like busy Miami. What I love most about coming here ( besides the family <3) is that you can actually see more than 5 stars in the night sky.

In the chaos of our lives we let so many things pass us by. We never have time to just look up at the stars. It's not that we do it on purpose,but with so many things on our plate, somethings end up just slipping through. When I left Miami last Sunday, I was a total wreck. Seriously my internal state was no where near healthy, or sane. I don't know if it was the devil attacking, or me just simply being ignorant, stubborn, and prideful, but I was losing my grip. I felt alone, betrayed, pressured, forgotten, worthless, under appreciated and so many other emotions that I felt as if I was drowning in my own thoughts. I felt my shell cracking, I felt as if at any moment I was going to be left exposed, and vulnerable, and if you're any where near as sensitive as I am, you know how much you need that shell to keep you running and functioning as normal as humanly possible. I was slacking in my alone time with God, my relationships with people were suffering, even the time I had dedicated to serving God was getting affected, and that's when I lost it. I was brought to a brink, and I fell over. I found myself in the bathroom throwing up, while a youth teaching was being given in the background. Yup, you read correctly, I relapsed, and at church of all places and at youth group no less. I had lost it...whatever it was.


Honestly, God is a Genius, His timing is seriously something to be appreciated. I had to take a summer class this year, making it impossible for me to go to my youth group's camp . It's something I look forward to every year, my time away from everything, my time to focus on nothing but God, and let Him work on me full time in super turbo mode. So you can imagine my devastation when I figured out that it just wasn't in the plans for me this year. It killed me, sitting at home watching all the videos, and photos being uploaded to facebook, knowing that my youth group was off having amazing encounters with God, making memories, growing closer to God, and in the process with each other, and I was missing it. My youth group is family for me, I've not only grown up with the kids, but the leaders also, I just couldn't wrap my mind around the reason why I was missing it; math. Now me and math have never had a very good relationship...ever, but now we were officially at war! It was even worse when everyone was back, and there were 165 constant reminders all around me of all the fun that was had with out me. It's selfish of me to feel this way, I know it is. There is a very big part of me that loves that it was such an awesome camp, that so many kids lives were touched, and that such an impact was reached, but then there's the other part that was hurt, the part that felt like there was a family reunion, and everyone but me was invited, let me just tell you it's not the best feeling.


There's a point to this huge tangent, I promise, you have to realize the stateI was in, in order to realize where my epiphany came from. I was lost in the darkness, in the fog of my every day life and routine, drowning in the black lagoon of my own thoughts and I couldn't see a single star in the night sky, not a single one.

When I got out of the car in St. Augustine, I felt a sense of relief. I don't know how to explain it perfectly, but I could just breathe better, I had no worries, no anxieties, no nothing, I was just a person who was about to spend a beautiful weekend away from everything. This week has given me a chance to reflect on everything around me, God didn't permit me to go to camp, because I wouldn't have been getting away from everything, I would have simply been surrounded by distractions, and worries, I wouldn't have had that time with Him. I also had tim to reflect on everything else I was struggling wwith without a constant distraction, but instead with a good look at the bigger picture. I gained understanding, compassion, forgiveness and so much more.He brought me to a place where in the middle of all the darkness, all the fog, all the distractions , I could see the stars, I could just sit and wonder at all the beautiful moments of joy, and light He had given me.


I know that at times we can feel as though we need to get away from everything to clear our heads, like we have to go to some remote part of the state to clear out the clutter found in our head, but that's not necessarily true. We simply need to get away from the world, not necessarily our surroundings, we can achieve the same experience in our own personal time with God, in the time where the only thing that matters is us and God, not our worries, or our fears. That's the meaning of being alone with God, that's how we fix things, we surrender and let Him lead the way. maybe you can't get away for a week, or even a weekend, but you can spare a few minutes to dedicate to the God of the universe who fashioned and formed you, and Loves you enough to let His Son die for you. Get alone with Him, clear your mind, focus on only what He has to say and nothing more, after all the only opinion that matters is His. Sit back, and look around, let Him guide you to a place where you have a perfect view of all the stars and nothing else.

" When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon, the stars, which You have ordained, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man, that You visit him?" -Psalm8:3-4

My Brain Couldn't Take it Anymore and Threw Up...Sorry

This blog is going to be short, sweet, ans simple. It's all the things I've been carrying around in my head for about a month now and I need to let them out...enjoy.

God made you who you are for a reason. Delight yourself in who He has made you, if you a talker like me, TALK, never be ashamed of the gift God has given you. There is a difference between a " meek and humble" personality, and a " meek and humble" spirit. If you trust in the Lord and have faith and peace that He will provide for you in the future, and are humbled before Him, then you have a "meek and humble spirit", the volume of your voice, or the frequency in which you use it is of no consequence. Be careful who you trust, make sure they'll never throw the information you trusted them with back in your face. God is the only constant thing in your life, they'll be a time when you'll have to let go of things, and people, no matter how lost you know you'll be without them. Your heart is deceitful above all things, no matter who you might have feelings for, like, or even love, never forget your number 1 priority is Your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, everything else is second, People will eventually disappoint you, they'll turn out to be exactly what you didn't expect, when this happens, or people hurt you, forgive but don't forget to learn from your mistakes. Crying is good, even if the only thing that comes out is a couple tears in the confines of yourself. Stand up for what you know is right. Manners, and respect are important for EVERYONE. God loves YOU and I don't know who's reading this I really don't, but I love you even if I don't show it , you are a BLESSING to everyone around you,and God thinks you're to die for, anyone who can't see the beauty in you and all the wonderful things you have to offer should get a brain transplant. I need a break before I officially lose my mind, won't be back for a week, peace and blessings.

The Roller Coaster of LIfe

Life is a constant roller coaster. There are it's ups, and it's down, and times where everything around you goes loopty loop. There are unexpected drops, sharp turns, and times that gives you butterflies. At the end though, it's all worth it. It doesn't matter that you were scared when you first got on, or that you spent half the time screaming, when it's all said and done it was literally the ride of your life, every single scream, tear, drop of sweat...it was all worth it, it was all a part of what made your life, yours.

Many times we feel as if life is so unfair, we tend to focus on the bad, on the " why me" situations, but what would happen if we didn't? Who would we become if we simply focused on the good, lived life with no regrets, and forgave those who have wronged us. That's a topic that's been a big part of my thought process lately, forgiveness. We can't enjoy the view ahead of us, if we're too busy worry about the scenery behind us. God gave us a beautiful world, filled with beautiful people. Yes, people now a days are acting very dumb, they don't always act the way they should, well actually they don't most of the times, but in their own weird way they're beautiful( at least that's how God sees them, so it's how we should see them too) . I have this theory;we are capable of loving anyone. If you think about it it's true.If we just put some time and effort into just listening to someone's story, their fears, struggles, victories, before long you'll start to truly, unconditionally love them.

I don't know what brought this on. Maybe it's the self reflection that I've undergone lately, or the need I see in people to simply be listened to and loved, but we are very powerful. We have the power to to give someone super human strength , or to tear them to shreds. Never underestimate the impact you can have in someone's life. There is great power in your words, and even greater power in your actions. Enjoy your roller coaster, and when the opportunity presents itself to help other people enjoy their own ride, take it, it'll make your ride just that much more worth it.

Submitting to Submission

So I had a very interesting afternoon yesterday, an afternoon full of confessions, catching up, lessons, family,embarrassment, and fun...a lot of fun. I stand amazed everyday on how God works. He's a God of Surprises ( always good), but surprises none the less. I don't think I'll ever get used to the way everything just seems to work out, when you let Him be in control.

Yesterday as we sat in a very beautiful kitchen talking with a very wise woman, the topic of submission came up. The funny thing is that the subject seems to be following me everywhere (I'm guessing God wants me to take a hint). The more we talked about submission, and how to accurately portray it, the more I found myself wondering what exactly my thoughts on submission were. I'd like to consider my self the closest thing to a feminist that a non- feminist can be, I take pride in my gender, and the strength we carry, but I don't delude myself into thinking we are better than men, nor do I undermine the power that a man can hold. God has chosen man to take on that "head of the household" position, we can speculate, and come up with theories as to why this is, but the bottom line is that no one knows , that's just how it is. As women we are called to submit to our fathers, and then to our husbands. We might not always like it, or think it's fair, but the rule is there none the less...and it's one of the hardest ( for me anyways) to follow.

When I hear the word submission I get a little scared. The word reminds me of someone surrendering their voice ,their freedom, it creates a picture in my head of a second class citizen who isn't respected, and who's opinion isn't valid. It terrifies me. My opinion is definitely worth something!There is nothing that I hate more than someone not viewing my opinion as valid because of my age, or gender( you'd be surprised how ignorant people can be! -_-), so when I hear the word submission I automatically go into defensive/panic mode. My thoughts turn very strong very fast.If there is one thing on this planet( take into consideration that I count God's love and mercy for us, to be in the" not on this planet" category) that I cherish most of all it's my ability to vocalize my opinions, and ideas. I have many times found myself questioning if I could give that up, even for my future husband.

However the more I listened to the women around me, the more I realized how wrong my, and many other women's opinions really were. Submission isn't simply becoming a doormat,or a slave,there's a reason why Eve was taken from Adam's side, and not his foot. Submission is a sign of respect, it is also a condition of the heart. God calls me to submit to my husband, just as I am to submit to Him. God wants me to respect my husbands decisions and choices, and with a loving heart too. I'm pretty sure God knows what He's doing, He wouldn't devalue His Precious little girls in any way shape or form, He love us way too much. So why would He command us to do something whose results would cause us to be treated as anything other than what He views us to be? He wouldn't.

Men, and Women are called to be equals ( 1 corinthians11:11-12) we just have different roles to play in the relationship, neither is better or worse than the other, both are riddled with flaws, but are redeemed by a loving God, a smart God, a God who sees the bigger picture, and understands what He's doing, and why He made things the way He did.

I can't say exactly why it is we need to submit, I don't have an answer for that, truth is I might never have it. What I do know however is that God has called me to do so, and that's good enough for me. I trust Him, and will try my best to do what He asks me to. I can't say that the thought of submission still doesn't make me a little uneasy, but I have a new understanding, and perspective on it. It doesn't scare me any more because I realize God would never command me to do something that would take away my value, if anything His commandments and orders are there to add to my value, a value that I never would have in the first place if it wasn't for Him, and His love.