Thursday, June 24, 2010
I was hanging with my friends a couple weeks ago, and all of a sudden someone yells "trust fall!" and proceeds to fall on top of the person right next to them, we were all taken by surprise, no one really expected a random fall in the middle of our fun, but being us we just laughed it off and kept on. When I later questioned my friend about it, he simply said " I wanted to know who was ready, and whom I could trust". The words kind of irked me, I thought it was a silly way to figure out whether or not someone was trustful. I mean there were so many variables, and possibilities to take into account, the situation didn't seem very well trustful. To me the "trust fall" didn't seem all that reliable. To me a trustful person is someone who's actions show you consistency, constant listening, constant support, constant understanding, etc. How could all that information be derived from a simple fall? Then it occurred to me that maybe I was the one with a skewed idea of what a trustful person really is. If you notice my previous description of a trustful person it's a pretty heavy one. I can honestly say that I don't know anyone who is always there, always ready, and willingly to listen, someone who no matter what the situation can be unbiased, and extremely supportive. I thought about it a lot, I realized that the only true being I could always count on to be there for me was God. There is no Other who possibly has the time, energy, desire, or will to always be there, to always listen with open ears, love unconditionally, and support us. Then I asked my self a very hard question: " do I trust God?"
I know you guys are probably rolling your eyes and saying to yourself " well that's a dumb question, why wouldn't you trust God, it's not like He can let you down or anything.", and you guys would be right, God can't let you down. His will is infallible, His purpose for our lives perfect, and wonderful, but still, do I trust God? Do I 100% of the time trust Him to figure things out for me, when trials, and situations arise, do I just immediately give it to Him, because I know, and trust He can and will help me, or do I take a crack at the situation first and trust my own ability? Do I trust that He has me in the perfect place for me right now, or do I complain because I feel it's unfair, or not useful? How much do I truly trust God?
I could understand not trusting some people, or humanity in general, I mean we're all gonna make mistakes, and disappoint people ( even though not trusting people at all is not healthy at all, and we should love everyone, and think the best of them even when we'd rather be hitting them in the face with a bible literally than hitting their heart with it figuratively), I could see were someone could be kind of iffy on the subject, but not trusting God? I'm pretty sure no one had a valid reason for that. So if there is no valid reason for it, why don't I fully trust Him sometimes? Is it my annoying pride, need for accomplishment, or my trust issues, or my self doubt, or my plain old stupidity that sometimes stops me from sometimes trusting Him? I'm pretty sure it's a disgusting combination of all of the above. I'm usually mistrustful of people, not all , just most, because I feel the more I let someone in the more likely it is they'll hurt me, and the stronger it'll sting when they do. I shut people out many times, and keep them away when I feel there's a chance they'll get too close. It's dumb I know, but it's my very warped and weird defense mechanism, it hurts me more in the long run because I sometimes miss out on great relationships, and people. It's a work in progress but I'm getting better at the whole trust thing, have a long way to go though. ( sorry for the tangent, back to main thought) The thing about God is that 1) He's not man 2) He's perfect, so therefore His will for your life is perfect 3) He wants us to be happy, not in pain, so He would never deliberately put us in harm's way & 4) He's GOD!!!.
I think that last one says it all. He isn't going to get close then ditch us, and leave us alone, He isn't going to lead us into a path that is horribly wrong for us, He just wants what's best for us, it's a cliche I know, but it is also extremely true. So if you sometimes struggle with trusting God the way I do I challenge you to think about why that is. Truly think, don't lie to yourself, be completely and totally honest. I bet that if you realize why you don't trust Him sometimes you'll realize it really has nothing to do with God at all. How could it? Don't feel like your a heathen dog because you're not trusting God 100%, fact of life most of us won't, but do try to do something about it. It's a serious issue, one that could really mess with the rest of your life. A great way to start is by simply praying. Pray that He'll show you the right path, and give your courage to trust Him wholeheartedly, no matter what the circumstances maybe. In the mean time... ******* TRUST FALLL!!!***** ( thanks for catching me ;p)
Posted by Monica at 4:10 PM